The History

I was a fat teenager. You know, that girl who was a ball with arms and legs? The one you used to horrify boys: there was no weapon stronger than ‘she likes you’ in my school. I had my share of crushes too, but they never knew because, well, see previous sentence. I graduated, went to college and slowly the ball began to settle into a shape. I’m actually very lucky because apparently I have the genetics that make all my vast quantities of extra fat (let me just say that as I write I weigh quite a bit more than 100 kilos) turn into what is often called a fine ass, and a nice girly shape. But I’m still very fat. And fatness, as we all know, is dating kryptonite, even for guys.

I spent college and my masters languishing after a series of nice guys who were my friends and then turned not so nice when they realized I wanted more. And then, in 2006, I moved to the US. There I was, 24, thrice-kissed and wholly innocent in the practice of sex and romance. And living in New York City. Naturally, I managed to alter my er vestal state rapidly, and for the first time began to see myself as a sexual being, someone who is attractive, cellulite and bulges and all. But I rarely went on a second date. I put it down at the time to having something to do with New York, and people in their twenties, and how no one wanted anything serious. I was sure it would come, in time, this great love that we are all entitled to.

In 2008 I finished my master’s degree, failed to get a job and came home. I sat around for a while and then found a job and then another and ran into a guy from my class in high school, who I remember as being nice, when I remembered him at all. I have a strict policy of avoiding people I remember from high-school, but he didn’t violate it, and we decided to hang out. And then our friends liked each other. And within a couple of months we had assembled a group of people who ended up spending weekends together. And in some time, I had that boyfriend I’d been waiting for since I was 15.

Of course, as these things do, it did fall apart over time—not that it was particularly stable to being with—and I found myself, in 2011, single again, at a new job, in a new city and teetering on the edge of 30. It was terrifying. It was the nightmare come true. But on some level, I was relieved. I had never been a confident dater, and so, in the aftermath of the my breakup, I started dating like mad. An old friend suggested I get back on OKC seriously, and I did. I had a fun profile; I met a ton of guys; I had a good time.

But slowly the fun wore off. I still want a relationship; I still wanted love. And so I started looking once more for a second date. But it never came. This is not to say that there weren’t guys with potential–they just didn’t see it the same way. I was also, by this time, grappling with depression and of course even more complicated weight issues–in short I was a hot mess. Time and therapy did their thing though and I returned to a fairly comfortable stable life.

 

Finally, having turned 32 and made my peace with being single, I decided I’d like to try and test some of my theories. What theories you say? These. I theorized that as someone with very high standards I wasn’t willing to compromise on, I needed to properly date, as in spend a few months seeing every couple of days, at least 5 guys to find one mutually acceptable relationship. To date 5 seriously, I’d need to probably go on 20 first dates. And to get 20 first dates I’d need about a 100 guys who didn’t tok lyk dis. Which certainly seemed impossible.

And then I found a link to a blog, where a girl in San Francisco was trying to go on 100 dates that summer. And like a flash it came to me: here was a chance to test a pet theory. Were there 100 guys in Delhi I could go on one date with? Okay, that was ambitious; are there 50 guys in Delhi I can go on one date with? I know lots of single women like me, and we just can’t seem to meet any guys.

And thus began 50 First Dates in Delhi. This blog I started because I wanted to go back to blogging, and also it seemed like something I should document!

 

36 thoughts on “The History

  1. It’s a good thing I read the history, else I could have dismissed the author for another feminazi blogger. Being single and 32, yes that sometimes does feel like looking down the barrel of a loaded shotgun. Empathy much!?

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    • i’m not sure if you’re calling me a feminazi without the history page…in which case please tell me what made you think that.
      also, are you asking if i have empathy?
      sorry, your comment confused me =)

      Liked by 1 person

      • I meant the history gives the story a new perspective, hence the empathy. The fact I’m 32 and single just adds to it.
        Don’t worry, I’m not in Delhi though :)

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  2. Just stumbled onto the blog today, and haven’t been able to stop scrolling. It’s pretty much the story of all of us out there, and love that you are confident enough to put it down so articulately (and funnily). You’re fabulous! :D

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well done for calling “cellulite”, cellulite. Its easy to see why “guys didn’t see the same way”, but, when someone does, and I hope someone does, it will last forever. I hope. Good luck (in case you need it)!

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    • Oh that’s so sweet of you :) it damn well better after making me wait so long. Hehe kidding. There are no guarantees :) also yes please all the luck if always welcome

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      • haha no like i said i have made my peace. i like who i am, i like my life and i accept that the story i wanted at 15 might never happen. its liberating. =D

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  4. Oh, if only I were a boy! I imagine I would love to go out with you, if only once, to be able to see first-hand how you (if that is how it is?) ‘conduct’ these dates.
    Hm. My sentences have too many “if”s.
    And yours, plenty courage.
    More power to you.
    On to the blog now.

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  5. Just turned 25 a couple of days back. Wish I was a little old for you or you were a little young. Sigh.
    Still, all the best for your 50 :)

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  6. DELHI I LEFT IN 2010 AFTER LIVING FOR 15 YEARS TAUGHT ME THAT THERE MUST NOT BE ANY SHORTAGE OF MEN YOU ARE LOOKING FOR YOUR EXPERIMENTS.GUYS N GALS ARE QUIET FAST.YOU MUST HAVE GOT YOUR RESULTS FAST ENOUGH.I ASK A QUESTION ,WHY YOU WANTED TO EXPERIMENT WITH ONLY SINGLES.ARE YOU NOT MATURED ENOUGH TO DATE THE MORE EXPERIENCED ONES OR ANY OTHER REASONS.MAY U CHANGE RULES,WHICH YOU PROBABLY MAY ,IF U CUM ACROSS SOMEONE OF THAT SORT.GOODLUCK

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    • er a married man at 30 wold have far less “experience” than a single man. also in a search for a theoretical partner why would i look for someone who was not single? as you can see i have not ‘got my results fast enough’. thank you for wishing me luck.

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      • hi like your concept of finding new person but how does a new person get in touch with you.There is no way or link on this biog.Or u just pick and choose from dating sites or references from your friends.I gather you are limiting your pool there.Read about your blog in mint yesterday. Anyways best of luck for your experiment or your search for your companion.

        Liked by 1 person

    • thank you for editorial services. two things though:
      1, you haven’t suggested an edit
      2. i don’t see the connection between typo and execrable english =D

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      • I am not sure how many dictionaries would beg to differ from your stance; meh, whatever.

        Anyway, I suggested that particular “edit” or “correction” because it makes the reader double-back in order to catch the correct meaning; you’ll find that you use the word ‘being’ often enough. Plus it’s on one of your cover pages so there.

        As regards to the connection between typo and execrable English, well none was implied although an econometric exercise would prove as much if the numbers were large enough.

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      • i still don’t see the edit…
        but maybe i’m too close to the text!

        i really did mean thank you you know, don’t get snippy =)

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  7. Wow, sorry about the misinterpretation. I was saying it should be “not too stable to ‘begin’ with” instead of “being with”; unless I missed some very important memo. (it appears I did miss one on proper use of verbs following collective nouns under certain situations).

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  8. Hi, I was in splits while reading your blog…. You have such an uncanny ability to make people laugh.. I am also a single girl living in Delhi and i felt an instant connection . Please write a book, I would be the first in line to pick up what you wrote.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. A bit off the topic, but may I ask what did you study and what kind of job were you looking for? I am moving to new york soon and a little afraid I won’t find anything :P. Also, great blog. I am hooked.

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    • haha all that info will give away who i am! not that it particularly matters anymore =) and thank you! new york is AMAZING. just go with the flow and be ready to try things. it can get lonely though, especially if you’re chary of talking to strangers so good luck with that =) then again its been nearly 10 years since i lived there and apparently its changed dramatically

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  10. Do you still used to date..??
    If yes then i would love to date you.
    May be that would change your opinion about life..
    :)
    I know that i am younger than you and you already had alot of experience with my aged guys, but i would recommend you to try atleast once if you can.
    :)

    Like

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