I was a fat teenager. You know, that girl who was a ball with arms and legs? The one you used to horrify boys: there was no weapon stronger than ‘she likes you’ in my school. I had my share of crushes too, but they never knew because, well, see previous sentence. I graduated, went to college and slowly the ball began to settle into a shape. I’m actually very lucky because apparently I have the genetics that make all my vast quantities of extra fat (let me just say that as I write I weigh quite a bit more than 100 kilos) turn into what is often called a fine ass, and a nice girly shape. But I’m still very fat. And fatness, as we all know, is dating kryptonite, even for guys.
I spent college and my masters languishing after a series of nice guys who were my friends and then turned not so nice when they realized I wanted more. And then, in 2006, I moved to the US. There I was, 24, thrice-kissed and wholly innocent in the practice of sex and romance. And living in New York City. Naturally, I managed to alter my er vestal state rapidly, and for the first time began to see myself as a sexual being, someone who is attractive, cellulite and bulges and all. But I rarely went on a second date. I put it down at the time to having something to do with New York, and people in their twenties, and how no one wanted anything serious. I was sure it would come, in time, this great love that we are all entitled to.
In 2008 I finished my master’s degree, failed to get a job and came home. I sat around for a while and then found a job and then another and ran into a guy from my class in high school, who I remember as being nice, when I remembered him at all. I have a strict policy of avoiding people I remember from high-school, but he didn’t violate it, and we decided to hang out. And then our friends liked each other. And within a couple of months we had assembled a group of people who ended up spending weekends together. And in some time, I had that boyfriend I’d been waiting for since I was 15.
Of course, as these things do, it did fall apart over time—not that it was particularly stable to being with—and I found myself, in 2011, single again, at a new job, in a new city and teetering on the edge of 30. It was terrifying. It was the nightmare come true. But on some level, I was relieved. I had never been a confident dater, and so, in the aftermath of the my breakup, I started dating like mad. An old friend suggested I get back on OKC seriously, and I did. I had a fun profile; I met a ton of guys; I had a good time.
But slowly the fun wore off. I still want a relationship; I still wanted love. And so I started looking once more for a second date. But it never came. This is not to say that there weren’t guys with potential–they just didn’t see it the same way. I was also, by this time, grappling with depression and of course even more complicated weight issues–in short I was a hot mess. Time and therapy did their thing though and I returned to a fairly comfortable stable life.
Finally, having turned 32 and made my peace with being single, I decided I’d like to try and test some of my theories. What theories you say? These. I theorized that as someone with very high standards I wasn’t willing to compromise on, I needed to properly date, as in spend a few months seeing every couple of days, at least 5 guys to find one mutually acceptable relationship. To date 5 seriously, I’d need to probably go on 20 first dates. And to get 20 first dates I’d need about a 100 guys who didn’t tok lyk dis. Which certainly seemed impossible.
And then I found a link to a blog, where a girl in San Francisco was trying to go on 100 dates that summer. And like a flash it came to me: here was a chance to test a pet theory. Were there 100 guys in Delhi I could go on one date with? Okay, that was ambitious; are there 50 guys in Delhi I can go on one date with? I know lots of single women like me, and we just can’t seem to meet any guys.
And thus began 50 First Dates in Delhi. This blog I started because I wanted to go back to blogging, and also it seemed like something I should document!