Desperately seeking…

This morning my ex boss stopped by my desk and asked me if I’d seen this. It’s viral she said, and I tossed back a silly comment about how it doesn’t seem to be viral in my circles because everyone I know is married. But then I went and Googled and I found it. It’s adorable. And really sad, because there is nothing about that ad that’s dramatic or shocking or wildly off the charts. (Though that’s probably because of the circles I move in, etc. It was a shock to me to realise my Tam Bram family is cray atypical.) It’s sad that this is something we think of as being so amazingly new, when clearly many people feel the same way. It also puts my own life into perspective eh?

The timing of this in very interesting because just yesterday I went on tinder for five minutes and after swiping left frantically with growing horror on my face I (first put the phone down) threw my hands up in the air and let out a silent scream. ‘Is it too much to ask?’ I said to my best friend, ‘is it too much to ask for the things I want in a guy? I mean, I just want him to be intelligent, have his shit under control and yeah maybe be taller than me. And, oh, yeah, single. It’s not like I’m putting all the ideal shit in there!’

So when I read that post I decided I’d also just once put that call out there. However extreme and idealistic and foolish it might be, and however much I know it’s ridiculous and irrational and not really going to happen, Mary Poppins might still manage to get my letter.

Is it too much to ask for an intelligent, tolerant, feminist, critical thinking, widely reading, salsa dancing, Spanish speaking, whiskey drinking, peaceful travelling, cat loving, polyamorous, confident but not cocky, 6-foot-tall single fully functional adult man who is comfortable with himself, likes to cook but likes me to cook too, is handy around the house, plays the guitar, likes people, genuinely appreciates strong women and can and will stand up for himself?

And then I went back into the dusty archives of all the blogs I’ve ever had and I found this. From seven years ago. Apparently my inner 16-year-old still has control. Which explains so much!

He’s tall, in the region of six feet. He is dark: he has dark hair and golden-brown skin. He is lean…not skinny but definitely not gross bulgy aliens-under-the-skin muscular. He loves to dance, salsa and tango and merengue especially. He plays the guitar, flamenco guitar. He’s articulate, fluent and expressive in English, Spanish and Portuguese. He’s Spanish or Latin American. He is passionate about life, and tolerant of passions he doesn’t understand. He makes me laugh. He dances the monkey ballet. He loves dumb charades, horsing about in the rain and cuddling. He is very happy to curl up on the couch with me and do his own thing while I do mine. He loves cats and children, and is ready to adopt five of each. He is at ease with people of all ages, all kinds and all backgrounds. He wants to make the world a better place. He loves food and he loves drink. He loves to cook and he loves to read. He has wanderlust, but once he gets to a new place he like to stay still for a while. He likes beaches and loves mountains with water-bodies, but most of all he loves cool mountains above sparkling beaches. He is an adult, and doesn’t need to be trained in the art of being a contributing part of a household. He adores me, and is ready to pretend to be teenagers every so often. He does ridiculous romantic things like leave me notes and send me flowers. He has to touch me when he’s nearby. He is as intelligent as I am, so he’s not intimidated and I’m not overwhelmed. He understands that difference does not mean discord. He is eager to learn about things that are not familiar. He is, of course, transcendental in bed :)

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18 thoughts on “Desperately seeking…

  1. Dear lord, I dreamed of this guy last night, and just did NOT want to wake up. I have a beautiful place in my head, but when I wake up, the reality bites. Fingers crossed, Delhi girl, I wish we find this human for real :)

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    • What the same guy? DIBS! Heh. Well I think it’s unfair because idealized irrational expectations are something we fault men for all the time. But 16 year old me who didn’t get this feminism shite agrees

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  2. I remember my friend S making a list like this in school when we were all of 16 or so, and how taken aback I was when the first item on her list was, “He has to be a Brahmin” :D

    Nice buncha traits here, Nanny, and evidently delish for you. I wish you could concoct yourself a cauldron-mix or sommat.

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  3. I actually happen to know someone who’s tall, plays guitar real well, dances the tango and is sensitive, very polite and soft spoken. He also happens to be single and quite handsome. He’s 24 though 😊

    P.S. that ad though, I don’t know the reason for all the brouhaha. She’s a friends friend and it came up on fb few weeks ago and now its in the news.. the god damn news!

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    • the reason for the brouhaha is because you and i my friend tend to forget that we’re a minority? clearly she is part of one too because she did what she did and wasn’t scared of parental consequences ahem. wah kya paragon hai aapka friend. but is he a grownup? =D

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  4. Well,Indhuja is lucky that she is on the right side of 20.And she made the page to make a point that getting married at 23 is too early an age.( I agree)And I guess she has made it.But she was pretty brave to put all that up online because relatives/strangers online can sometimes be a cruel lot and can say a lot of insensitive things without realising.

    I used to have these lists too when I was younger and I used to think that when I finally meet the right guy, I would frame it up and give it to him as a gift.:-)Hmm little did I realise that I had confused a ‘lesson’ with a ‘ soulmate’.I think finally if/when you do meet your soulmate,all you would need is love.And a bit of compromise, a lot of understanding ,patience and really good communication.I guess that would be the key to any stable relationship.Sparks die out.It’s the stuff that remains afterwards that makes it work.Fingers crossed for you,50dates.It would be heartwarming for a lot of people if you do find your soulmate soon.:-)

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    • i actually take exception to the idea that there is a universal age at which you’re old enough to get married. once you’re 21, you get married at whatever age you want. it’s the most obnoxious thing in the world when people tell me oh you’ve got so much time. who died and gave you the right to tell me when and how i should want to live my life? if you want to stay single till you’re 70 that’s great, do it, but you can’t tell me i should want it too, just as i can’t tell you you’re a fool for not getting married at 30 or whatever. that said yes i agree lists are very silly, i did try and point out that I know this and i know how futile an exercise it is to make a descriptive list, but i also think there’s a minimum acceptable need, which for me is the first sentence i said to my friend. heh. and thank you =)

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  5. If that’s the “dream,” it’s a little hard to have reality match up to it. And 6 foot tall? Whisky drinking? Damn, you be shallow! :D
    (And yes, yes – I do think everyone is shallow.)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. @50 dates -Hmm I don’t know why but I still think 21 is still too young:-).Personal opinion:-)I think people take more time to find themselves and be comfortable with who they actually are.You know,sort of settle and become your own person.Unless you are truly madly deeply in love.In which case,it’s perfectly fine. And yeah ‘polyamorous’ .You are fine with the other person not being exclusive to you?As in being in other relationships at the same time?Hmm:-) I don’t think I could ever deal with that.:-)

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    • Well that’s just my point exactly, whether age, monogamy, polyamory, sexual orientation, spice level, sugar in your tea: it takes all kinds. Everyone has to figure it or for themselves.

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