Wading through shit

Regular commenters might have noticed that things have changed around here. Now your comment is not only moderated, you also need a WordPress account to comment. Why you ask?

Last week, when I was travelling like a madwoman, this blog was nicely trolled. Now don’t get me wrong: I have no problem with trolls. Trolls are everywhere and here I am living my life online–I’m bound to run foul of a few. And yes, in my frustration this past month, and from being on the move all the time, I have stopped blurring out OKC ids, which is not good practice.

I was accused of cheap journalism, told I was a cyber bully, all sorts of things. And  then someone else stepped in and started linking to my photos from OKCupid, uploaded to imgur. I’m slightly horrified that OKC lets you download pictures from profiles, but maybe this guy is a bit more than your average internet user and knows some way to do it. But hey, it’s nothing that’s not already online and public, and also something I’m linked to here. He did a sleazy comment too, but hah that’s an actual compliment compared to the usual OKC sleaze.

And then someone, using tor and gmail (ahem) posted a threatening comment, purpotedly from the hackers collective Anonymous. Because you know, I’m so important they’d want to troll me, and also that’s how legendary hackers work: they leave you comments with incorrect information and threaten to hack into your life, ending with a smiley. They don’t, you know, hack into your life.

Dear <my name>,
You have come to our attention as a repugnant bully and a creep. You were reasoned with to respect other people and their privacy and not misuse dating sites, but you declined. Your unethical and harassing behavior has been noted. Would you enjoy if you, your close friends and your family were humiliated online? I doubt <incorrect name of workplace>, your college mates or even little <incorrect name> would have a great time if someone were to spam the internet with their very personal information.

And I’m the cyber bully. Ahem.

So I’ve always held that if you put information on the internet, it’s likely to come out. There’s no point in telling yourself you can control it. I also actually go out with people and email with people so I’m not exactly anonymous. Plus most of my friends and their friends and also most people at work know my identity. (Yeah Mr. Troll, you can call my boss and tell her what I’m doing and she’s going to say, ‘And? Your point is?’.) Obviously my anonymity is a bit of a joke. And I’m okay with that.

Still, I’ve never been threatened before. And coming as it did at a point when I was tired of the constant low grade stream of ‘u r fat’ ‘u r ugly’ ‘cn i lick ur pussy’ ‘i wanna bite ur boobs’ type stuff I get out of OKC (and have been getting for the past 8 months), something snapped. I realised that, as part of this project, because there’s no point in doing it if I don’t make an effort, I have really been putting myself out there these past 8 months. And I’m so very tired of wading through shit. All. The. Time.

Now this doesn’t mean I haven’t met some really wonderful people here–both dates and commenters–and I haven’t felt a great deal of support and respect for what I’m doing. I don’t even need to mention the regular commenters who just hang out here and then rush to my defence when I am trolled. And at least two of the dates have become beloved friends, who rallied and petted and soothed and promised contacts in Cyber Crimes when this happened. Still, over time, the shit has begun to obscure and smother the possibility of good.

I thought very seriously about shutting this whole thing down and, yes, letting the trolls win. I have gained plenty from this project already, and I don’t really expect to make it to 50 anyway. I don’t expect to meet a partner, even a short term one–just look at the data so far. I spend more and more time trying to find dates and less and less time enjoying them. And I really am tired of the excrement. And that day, with all the other stressful stuff going on in my life at the time, I really just wanted to stop.

But then, sleep, family time and the rallying of the blog people made me feel better. I began to think about it as a problem I needed to solve. (I think I even figured out which OKC boy is the troll.) And here is the solution. I am not putting myself out there anymore. The blog is out there enough. Enough people know what I’m doing. So people can write to me, people can set me up with people, i can just stumble upon people who want to go out with me in real life (hahahahahahaah! yeah I know.) And comments are only allowed with WordPress accounts.


25 thoughts on “Wading through shit

  1. Yeah!! Don’t give up because of trolls or assholes who think they are so much better than everyone. If you want to give up, do it for other reasons. Not because of somelonelylittleboyinhistinylittleheadthinkswahIamsomuchbetterthanher. Meh!


  2. So, you’re saying we’ve got to hustle and do our bit and set you up; yes? Any chance you’re going to be in Bangalore soon? :) (seriously.)
    I know it must be rough with the trolls, and the effort with this entire experiment; project; ‘putting yourself out there’ alone must be immense, but you’re (going by blog and twitter and instagram- I feel like a stalker now) approximately 127 kinds of brilliant (and there’s really only 132 kinds- I’m sure you’ll check off the remaining five soon enough). Don’t let all the nonsense get you down.
    Chin up, lovely. x

    Liked by 2 people

    • awww! =) yeah you guys are really the reason why i am not shutting down you know. ya’ll give me hope. i was in bangalore actually just on saturday but no time to do anything. and anyway it woulda been a special edition…
      but yes, come on people who love my blog, go find me dates!


  3. I LOVE your blog. So sorry about all the crap you have to deal with. Please don’t let the trolls win! You seem like such a fun, fantastic and amazing person. I hope you run into lots of date-able, drool worthy guys (more posts for us – yaaay!).
    Sending you lots of hugs :) :)

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Haters will be haters – it means you are getting more popular. :) Don’t stop unless you feel that you aren’t getting anything positive out of this. You go girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Loving the solidarity here :)

    I’d like to say the usual about not letting the trolls get you down and all that, but, at the end of the day, you have to do what you need to for your own sanity and sometimes that means not doing things you would like to. So, in short, you shouldn’t feel like you need to maintain the blog or anything else simply because you need to “not let the terrorists win!” or owe it to people following the blog or anything of the kind.

    Do whatever you feel you need to and, if it changes, then do whatever it changed to. It’s cool. You’re cool :)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Nanny, I’ve tried getting you two dates so far! And I don’t even KNOW people in Dilli :) [yes, one of them is in Cal but still]. I will continue trying to find your more. And yes to what Shil sez. This also goes back to our earlier comments conversations. I’d not like it if you shut shop, as it were, but I love you, and you please do what feels right for you. Wading through excrement can only happen upto a point till they start seeping through your gumboots and getting into your system, unfortunately :-/

    Octopus-hugs at the ready, Nannykins! And just for the record, blog or no blog, I *cannae wait* to meet you in Dilli in summer and give you octohugs in person. I’m SOGLAD I met you, for several different reasons actually. And you being you is reason #1. <3

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Every time a lady on Tinder/OkCupid doesn’t reply to a conversational initiation or behaves in a seemingly pricey manner, I shamefully remind myself that it’s probably because a hundred and fifty uncontrollably hormonal men who couldn’t keep it in their pants, tore her sanctity as a woman, to shreds.

    Sincere apologies, on behalf of the average Indian man.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hey….it seems i m a tad bit late but please don’t let that idiot get the better of you, that undeserving piece of filth.
    Its not just fun reading what all you write but its wonderful to know that your not alone in this gruesome quest called love-life(the promised happily ever after).
    I am a little slow but i m new and in a month i have read your blog almost everyday……..if only my boss knew what i was up to :P
    keep writing and keep rocking \m/.


    • haha thank you so much! don’t worry I won’t tell your boss.
      I think the best thing about the internet is learning that whatever your burden you are not alone.


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