‘Is she hot?’

Yesterday, a guy I have flirtatious conversations with pinged me in the evening, when I was heading to the airport to pick up a friend’s friend. I said I couldn’t talk because of said errand, and indicated that said friend’s friend was female. The immediate response was ‘Is she hot?’

Repressing my urge to teleport through the phone and bludgeon him with his own phone, I calmly ignored it and said something else. ‘You haven’t answered my question,’ he said. ‘Is she hot?’ ‘I ignored your question.’ At which he proceeded to complain that I have double standards because I check out guys around him why can’t he check out girls. I didn’t have the time to explain to him why this is unacceptable, and also my blood pressure was rising rapidly, so I decided I’d just post about it.

We interrupt scheduled programming to bring you the public service announcement. Do. Not. Ever. Ask. That. Of. Me. Or really any woman, especially if you have a thing with her.

Let’s start with the apparent double standard here. I can check out other guys around you but you can’t ask me if my friend is hot. For starters, me looking at some guy as he walks by is hardly the same as you trying to lust after a friend of mine and, even if it were, when I stare at a guy I am at least doing it myself, and not asking you to be conduit through which I execute my lecherous impulses.

Setting that aside, what exactly is wrong with asking a girl if her friend is hot anyway? Well nothing at all actually. I mean if I said hey I’m setting you up with a friend, you would be fully entitled to ask that of me. The problem though is that when you say hot you have a picture, and odds are it doesn’t match the picture I have when I say hot. So even if I answered the question, you’d likely be disappointed. And if I’m not setting you up? You can still ask–it’s not a big deal.

So what’s my problem?

My problem is when the first question asked is that. Is that really the most important thing you need to know about a stranger? Say what you will, ‘Is she hot?’ is code for ‘Do I want to fuck her?’ and, really, is that the first thing you need to know about a stranger? You gotta admit, that’s kinda creepy.

My problem is when it’s a highly peripheral person to my life and by extension more peripheral to yours, do you need any information at all? And, if you do, is that really the information you need to have? Even creepier.

So, even if my friend is hot and even if I actually think you guys might get along, I’m thinking ‘Ummmm do I want to set my friend up with a creep?’. And when you say you’re into me and you do this, this is what I get:

  1. He’s not that into me
  2. He’s a creepy guy
  3. He’s going to hit on my friends

Hardly the stuff relationships or even hookups are made of.

So, boys, the next time you feel the urge to ask a girl if her friend is hot? Don’t. There is no good outcome for you.

19 thoughts on “‘Is she hot?’”

  2. I guess if I have a thing for you and you know it, it would be wrong on my part to ask you if your friend is hot. However, if you are just a friend, then I can’t quite see why it would be wrong. I have done it probably a thousand times, asking (female) friends if their friend/cousin/colleague is hot, and they have been quite forthright in their answers, even sending me pics sometimes and giving additional feedback such as, “Not your type though” or “You will like her” or “Guess what she supports XYZ football club! You two will really get along” or “Nope! Not hot, too bad”. I guess in most cases, I wouldn’t even be interested in meeting them, it’s just casual banter. Harmless mostly.

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    • well then maybe it is just me it irritates. also if you read carefully you’ll see i said it doesn’t matter if you ask, it matters when you ask.

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      • Yes, probably. You did say that you couldn’t talk because you were heading to the airport. He should probably have waited for an opportune moment to ask, like, while you were waiting for said friend’s friend to get out of the airport and meet you. Unless he of course knew that you don’t entertain such questions, in which case he is better of refraining from asking them, for fear of being bludgeoned to death with his own cellphone!

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      • Um, and he was persistent even when she pointed out that she’d deliberately ignored his question. And went on “if you can, then why can’t I?” sort of thoughtless bs.

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  3. “And when you say you’re into me and you do this, this is what I get:

    He’s not that into me
    He’s a creepy guy
    He’s going to hit on my friends
    Hardly the stuff relationships or even hookups are made of.

    So, boys, the next time you feel the urge to ask a girl if her friend is hot? Don’t. There is no good outcome for you.”

    All of that’s true but, even beyond whether it’s a good outcome or not, I (surprise, surprise) think it’s crass as shit. As you noted, asking if someone is hot is essentially the same as saying “do you think so-and-so is attractive enough for me to want to fuck?” If someone would not verbalize that question, then they should bloody well not ask “Is s/he hot?” And if they would verbalize that question, they have a whole lot of other issues.

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  4. Ha Ha :-D If I had a rupee for every time that a guy friend asked me this question,I would be a millionaire.:-D Spot on.:-)Actually the question by itself is not offensive,it’s the tone that matters.And that can make the question range being creepy to mildly amusing:-D Also the ‘hotness’ quotient of the guy asking the question also plays a part.:-)

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  5. Tinder is made for dudes (people, really) like these. Also, sites like Hot or Not. The problem is when you end up encountering them in real life. Ew. Shallow, creepy, crass, thoughtless, blustering, defensive, entitled fucks. (I almost feel like I’m playing the memory game here that I’d play as a kid–repeating your words, and then adding a few of my own and so on and so forth hee)

    A buncha zingers you provide here, Nannykins! Such good form you are in only. Fills the Tiff/Perdy heart with mucho joy. Here, have a giant hug. In fact, have eight :-)

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    • Haha thank you kindly for octopus hugs. But i must cavil at this dismissal of all people. Lots of people don’t think like us. Sometimes you gotta explain!

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      • I’m glad about your explanations since that means moarr posts yuss. And in real life, I do lots of explaining myself, and give muchmany chances (perhaps too many, actually). Indulge a little Perdybashing from time to time no? With you, I don’t bother filtering much.

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