Yesterday, a guy I have flirtatious conversations with pinged me in the evening, when I was heading to the airport to pick up a friend’s friend. I said I couldn’t talk because of said errand, and indicated that said friend’s friend was female. The immediate response was ‘Is she hot?’
Repressing my urge to teleport through the phone and bludgeon him with his own phone, I calmly ignored it and said something else. ‘You haven’t answered my question,’ he said. ‘Is she hot?’ ‘I ignored your question.’ At which he proceeded to complain that I have double standards because I check out guys around him why can’t he check out girls. I didn’t have the time to explain to him why this is unacceptable, and also my blood pressure was rising rapidly, so I decided I’d just post about it.
We interrupt scheduled programming to bring you the public service announcement. Do. Not. Ever. Ask. That. Of. Me. Or really any woman, especially if you have a thing with her.
Let’s start with the apparent double standard here. I can check out other guys around you but you can’t ask me if my friend is hot. For starters, me looking at some guy as he walks by is hardly the same as you trying to lust after a friend of mine and, even if it were, when I stare at a guy I am at least doing it myself, and not asking you to be conduit through which I execute my lecherous impulses.
Setting that aside, what exactly is wrong with asking a girl if her friend is hot anyway? Well nothing at all actually. I mean if I said hey I’m setting you up with a friend, you would be fully entitled to ask that of me. The problem though is that when you say hot you have a picture, and odds are it doesn’t match the picture I have when I say hot. So even if I answered the question, you’d likely be disappointed. And if I’m not setting you up? You can still ask–it’s not a big deal.
So what’s my problem?
My problem is when the first question asked is that. Is that really the most important thing you need to know about a stranger? Say what you will, ‘Is she hot?’ is code for ‘Do I want to fuck her?’ and, really, is that the first thing you need to know about a stranger? You gotta admit, that’s kinda creepy.
My problem is when it’s a highly peripheral person to my life and by extension more peripheral to yours, do you need any information at all? And, if you do, is that really the information you need to have? Even creepier.
So, even if my friend is hot and even if I actually think you guys might get along, I’m thinking ‘Ummmm do I want to set my friend up with a creep?’. And when you say you’re into me and you do this, this is what I get:
- He’s not that into me
- He’s a creepy guy
- He’s going to hit on my friends
Hardly the stuff relationships or even hookups are made of.
So, boys, the next time you feel the urge to ask a girl if her friend is hot? Don’t. There is no good outcome for you.