A girl emailed me some time ago (sorry life has been nuts so I took this long to respond) and told me that not all dates are fun. She’s been on an OKC date, after getting on it because I had inspired her, and it had been awful.
And well I met this one person today. He was just snobbish from the word go and I had a bad time. The only highlight of my meeting was the vanilla latte. This guy was obsessed listening to his own voice and a major pain. My last tinder date was way more interesting and super adorable.
Just how do you manage to sit through a bad date, do tell?
So for starters, I think you’re confusing the tools with the result. As in, I don’t think there are ‘better’ guys on OKC or Tinder–in fact most guys are on both!–but the main difference between the two is how each enables you to collect information on the person before the date. So, with Tinder, you get pictures, some words, an indication of how your social media lives interact, common friends etc., and a name. With OKC you could get nothing more than age, gender and location, or you could get details like favourite movies or books, things they think are funny, things they think are important, relationship status, what they’re looking for, etc.
Now, obviously each has advantages and disadvantages–it’s possible to scam Tinder by creating a fake facebook profile, surprisingly easy to do; lots of guys on Tinder don’t use their names (maybe girls too–I’ve never checked them out); the pictures might be misleading–so many times there is more than one person in the only photo and you don’t know who it is, there’s a girl and they’re at a wedding–wife or sister?, and so on. Also if you, like me, don’t really invest in social media–I don’t actually list my interests on Facebook, and the things I might have listed are from ages ago and are random like a TV show, and I have lots of random people on FB who come from work encounters and so on–the overlaps it shows you are no way to predict shared anything.
On OKC as well, it is possible to lie about age, relationship status, interests, what you want–pretty much everything, since it is user entered. But for me, having been on it for years, this is not a problem, because I can tell when someone is real. Unless they’ve invested ridiculous amounts of time in the profile, and in that case one date is fair price to pay heh. Of course the problem is, it’s not just the best part of who they are that people put on OKC, it’s also the best part of who they want to be and think they are. This is the tricky bit. ‘I read a lot!’ for a regular person might be a book every 2 weeks, while for me it means a book a day. The point is, you have to hone your ability to get a sense of a person online. It takes time. It’s taken me about 8 years! Of course it’s only the past few years all this has been mainstream so you can discount a lot of my early years online heh.
So which app works for you depends on what how you put yourself online (social media heavy means Tinder is likely better) and how you evaluate people (if you want a sense of how they think and talk then OKC is better), but either way you can’t control how the other person puts themself online!
As for how to deal with bad dates? Walk away =)
Ok, ok, long answer.
When a guy is boring, I try to find an innocuous thing to talk about while I chug my food so I can leave. When he’s self absorbed, depending on how bad it is, I ignore it and make errand lists in my head while finishing everything as fast as I can so I can leave, or I call him on it. To be fair this calling him on it is a recent phenomenon heh. Break your body language (lean forward, put a hand on the table, wave your hand–basically change position abruptly and obviously), and say ‘Hang on. Stop for a minute. I want to know if you realise what we’ve talked about since you got here.’ When he says no, you point out it’s been him. Not like that haan, you need to say ‘We’ve talked about your work, your childhood, your friends, your hobbies, <whatever>. Aren’t you the least bit interested in me?’
Odds are he’s nervous, or one of those infuriating types who doesn’t believe in asking questions ‘because it’s like an interview’. Maybe he’ll say, okay tell me about yourself. Be prepared to actually do that at this point, and you’ll have to make it brief and interesting, because you have to be as different from him about it as possible! Maybe he’s just a self-absorbed person and doesn’t get it. Then smile and say ‘Okay, well I’m afraid this kind of date is boring to me, so let me just save us both time and say it was nice to meet you, but I don’t think we can date.’ Offer to pay your share, or pay your share, and leave. Be kind, polite, gentle but firm. And walk away.
When it’s a creepy date, don’t bother with trying to make excuses. Just say, ‘Listen, this isn’t working for me. Thanks for your time.’ And leave. If you are not comfortable being that direct, use the old ‘Shit, my mom’s calling’, or text a friend to call with an emergency and get out.
What other kinds of bad dates are there? I can’t think of any…