I’m in the news again

On Yahoo this time. It’s a lovely piece and I am dying of fangirlness to be in the same piece as Paromita Vohra! EEEEEEEE!

I have only two quibbles. The first is a general wail to all India journalists: Would it kill you to tell me when a piece is up and send me a link?

The second is that she seems to have misunderstood me on the sex thing.

Since I personally tend to feel that sex is something that is always on the table when establishing intimacy with someone, I ask Alice about the reasoning for this rule. She feels that the answer is pretty obvious. “I live in Delhi. Why do you think there’s a no-sex rule?!” she says. “Generally speaking…no sex on the first date is an excellent rule, because it keeps guys from panicking about what you’re going to make of it. Not that anything can really stop them from panicking about this, but still.” Wait, I think. Make of what exactly? While it’s true that society makes many negative assumptions about a woman who is sexually forward, according to me that’s no reason to keep reinforcing this unfair expectation on ourselves.

She seems to think I’m worried that the men will think I’m forward. Good god no. What I mean that, in me experience anyway, when you have sex with a guy too early, he goes home thinking you’re thinking that he loves you and then he freaks out and refuses to be a decent human being about it. Then you have to wonder why this person you were just getting to know has decided you’re some lunatic who must be avoided or only occasionally poked at with a long stick. It’s a lot of drama and so unnecessary. This has been proven true so many time I cannot count.


4 thoughts on “I’m in the news again

  1. Nice article, though the whole “we are losing the magic and spontaneity” (sub)text is one that I think should have been outlawed back when one cavewoman asked another to set her up with the hunky mammoth-killer next door.


  2. Oh, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the magic at all (though I tend to think all good magic is well-done headology ;)). I just think it’s a false dichotomy that if it’s not spontaneous enough (or there are too many rules or that sex is off the table or…) then there can’t be magic. The article, especially early on, made it sound like setting up dates via OkC means it’s immediately somehow boring and mundane, via comments like this:

    “Surely, I ask myself, the landscape of “dating” is a lot more squeamish and filthy and also, yes, wonderful, than a bunch of prearranged dates can afford?”

    If someone thinks prearranged dates can’t be squeamish and filthy and wonderful, they really haven’t tried online dating.


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