Too. Many. Words.

I got en email a few days ago. It was five hundred and seventy-nine words long. Seriously. That’s longer than my profile. It came from a guy whose profile picture was trying too hard, with ‘hipster’ glasses and random coloured circles effects behind him. I cannot, in the interests of…actually I’m not sure why I think I cannot reproduce the whole email here for you, so here you go.

Hi There,
Struck by the sparkle in your script, The gleam in your eyes, and the poise in your prose, seeing we have a lot in common, as a point of view goes, I was compelled to write you this, hoping you would allow me to slip in under the limits of your narrow age bracket window….. ;DI saw your profile, and thought to myself, is this what I am looking for?But once in a blue-moon u come across something that jumps up & touches your very soul, & ur heart beats a little faster, & you wanna reach out with both hands & grab it, b4 it slips away forever. And you think to yourself, maybe, just maybe…

Thus, with a song in my heart and a rose twixt my teeth (LOL) I send you this message, hoping it would be considered shibboleth by you…

I promised myself to never grow up a long time ago. ‘Coz for me, age is just a number, and I will consider meself 18 till I die! (LOL).

Anyways, men are like Government Bonds; they take a long time to mature, but if you stick with them, you always come out on top.

And,……. men are like wine too…. They mature with age….. ;)

So what I am trying to say is, I, at my age, would just about be reaching an intellectual level of maturity that you might,…. just might, mebbe be able tolerate…… ;)

Candlelight, Wine, Formals, Music.

A Gentleman.

Dance? No worries! I dance like a 3 pin plug doing the tango. In fact I have so many left legs; it’s surprising why I haven’t been dubbed “Lefty” yet….

Waves, High Winds.

Storms.

Waving Palms.

Rain Lashing on the window panes,

Staring into each other’s eyes, and baring souls to one another…….

Open Highway.

In Khakis,

Travel?

Adventure?

Talk?

Lets be friends, n take it 4m there, ’coz who can predict the future…?

Just one promise…. No head games 4m me! (LOL) Don’t have nothing in mine 2 play with… ;)

Though how we gonna manage any of the above over the net, I haven’t the foggiest…………..

Emails lack spontaneity, & the dimension portraying the depth of a person’s soul, so I would prefer direct contact via chat, phone, or personally.

If you feel relate to that, I would love to give us a chance & hope we connect somewhere and allow good things to happen…

Allow me to give you my handle on yahoo, so we could converse in real time. <email?

Or if you care to, you cud always call or text me on <number> <number>

Waiting with my breath held and my hand on my heart…

Ciao, till we connect……….

<name>

P.S.: in leaving lemme leave what i read once, and have come to believe……..

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine as children do.

It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Vaya Con Dios

<name>

I’m not sure exactly what happened in the middle there, something very stream-of-consciousness. A tormented soul, tossed about the raging oceans of life, seeking a safe harbo–shit. He’s got me doing it!
He then proceeded to email me AGAIN, with this gem.
Milady,
Firstly, it great to finally find you online, now, after the message that I have troubled you with….. ;)I wish we knew each other already, ‘coz I wud have loved nothing more than 2 sit over a drink or coffee, n talk wid you..But alas, things being what they are, let’s first talk?.. If nothing else, at the least we cud get 2 b friendz…………….?

Awaiting a reply, since the last communique’,

I remain, ….

Same as before…..
<name>

And then, the very next day. this utterly identical–down to the spasming punctuation–gem.
Once again, I am rendered speechless. Does he think it will actually work? Also someone please tell the guys that miladi is not cute. I know it might work for some people, but they are a small minority that’s not me.
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23 thoughts on “Too. Many. Words.

  1. Initially, I was like, this is not so bad, but I couldn’t be bothered to get through the whole thing. A for effort though, no?

    I’m one of the small minority who is charmed by milady.

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  2. For a moment I thought that my command over the English language is extremely poor cause I couldn’t understand anything! Then I realised – it’s just crap!!

    Like

  3. Hey,
    I just stumbled upon your blog while browsing something over the internet, and now I am hooked to it. I’m reading the posts one by one. I must say, interesting idea, interesting theories, even more interesting is the documentation of the actual dates. **kudos**
    I feel so very naive right now as I read each post about the guys you have or haven’t dated. There are just so many kind of people in the world and its kind of really good to be able to know that. **pondering**
    I guess I really need to come out of Nicholas Spark’s novels now. :D (Not that I believe in them either)
    Also, I hope further posts get even more interesting! ;) And that it brings a really pleasant closure. **waiting to get to the end** :D
    P.S. This comment isn’t particular about this post though :)

    Like

    • hey! sorry i did mean to reply when i saw your comment but i’ve had the work week from hell so it didn’t happen. but thank you! and dear god yes stop reading nicholas sparks! try some jennifer crusie. and some jennifer weiner.

      Like

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